you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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