Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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