God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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