everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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