My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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