i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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