First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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