I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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