the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize