Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize