I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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