he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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