my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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