How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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