Got a toothbrush?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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