she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's always time for handjobs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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