I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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