Got a toothbrush?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize