I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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