just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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