i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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