i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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