try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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