Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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