Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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