last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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