Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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