p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When are your genitals available?
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