Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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