I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize