I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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