I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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