he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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