obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize