I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
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ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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