The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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