I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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