I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
this hospital has no fireball
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize