Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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