I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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