He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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