How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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