I think I won the penis lottery.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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