I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
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i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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