I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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