she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your cock deserves a montage
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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