I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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