I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize