i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize