U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
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I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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