no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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